In Between

All that I am begins with my body and gradually finds its way to others’ bodies. My body dresses in clothes, goes out, and observes other bodies, and occasionally makes physical contact with them. My body is female, and its femininity is its most important aspect, because this plays a key role in deciding how it will behave with other bodies, both masculine and feminine. 

My face is one of the most important parts of my body. My face confronts the mirror and constructs itself. It tries to make itself beautiful. After my face comes to my hair. Masculine bodies like long hair, but my hair refuses to be contained. Every day it has a different personality, but it is always complemented by others. Without my body, I have no existence – my body reaffirms my existence.  Laws exist to police and control my body. For example, in one place I am forced to cover it, whereas in another I am free to display it. Without my body, I would be unable to feel pain and pleasure, two sensations that I often experience simultaneously. After my physical body with its various parts, I next consider my clothes. Others decide what I wear and what they will expect to see me in all impose upon me. If I go to a formal party, I must dress up, but if I wear the same clothing at school, I would appear out of place. I cannot wear pajamas at a party at my neighbor’s house or I won’t be invited to her next party. If I am dating a masculine body, I am expected to wear the most feminine clothes in order to attract and arouse him. The only time I truly dress for myself is when I am alone in bed. Thus, my appearance represents the greater part of my identity. The rest is innate – where I am born, into what family I am born, and into what religion I am born. All I can do is transport my body and its decorations from place to place. 

As an artist, I am most concerned with the existence and not being. In any given moment, I’m in a specific place, and in the next moment, I feel like I exist somewhere else. Time shapes my existence. My attempts to untangle and make sense of time originate in my emigration from IRAN to the UNITED STATES, a set of experiences I have deemed “Lost in Space and Time.” Without MY body to constitute physical existence, time would be meaningless. When I decide to go to a point on the other side of the world known as Iran, I pay no mind to my body and go.   However, when I return and open my eyes, I have no memory of my journey to Iran because my body has remained in another point on Earth known as the United States.

1/1

©2020 by Sara Madandar